Emotional Flooding

Sometimes a memory can cause as much pain and anguish as an actual event.

I have recently started a creative writing seminar and I told them that I didn't know if I would emotionally be able to write about a particular experience. Sally refers to this as emotional flooding and I can understand why.

When I first sit down to write about an event in my life I honestly don't know where to start. How do you take an event that had such an effect on you and put it into words? It usually takes me a few minutes, if not longer, to really get to writing. Suddenly everything begins to flow and before I know it it seems as if I am transported back in time to the day the event occured.

My sense of smell is heightened and even the smell of a particular shampoo can bring back the pain that I felt at that time in my life. To this day I refuse to purchase Herbal Essence shampoo. Even something that is similar in smell will trigger the emotions and I still have a hard time dealing with them.

Not only is my sense of smell heightened, but my memory is clear and precise. I can remember everything that happened to include how the breeze was blowing through the trees and the sound of the television downstairs. A pain that I have struggled to overcome is once again screaming through my memory. I hate the way these memories make me feel. Desperate, alone, anguish, loss.

As I continue to write the tears begin to flow. Reliving any sorrowful event can be hard, but I continue to push through. I eventually have to stop because my body is wracked with emotion and I can no longer see the paper in front of me. The what if's and why's are running through my mind and I am struggling to get a grip on reality. When I am finally calm I have to remind myself that the event is in the past and that I am ok now. I have survived.

I have often wondered about writing a book about my life experience. How God helped me to overcome the troubles that I have been faced with. Years ago I even thought of a title for my book, but that will stay my secret for now. For now I am taking baby steps and learning to write my story is the only way to keep my sanity in check.

After each memoir is written I learn that while the emotions were hard to face, writing is a form of healing for me. To write the memoir is one thing, to sit in front of a group of people and read your emotions aloud is all together different.

The last seminar I wrote for I thought I would get through the memoir without any crying. Wrong. Somehow reading my emotions out loud was just as hard as writing them, but I am glad I did it.